hundredtwenny milesanhour maybemore allfuckingday longmonday. clientscalling whiningwhatnotyet nohellno payrolllate depositwhatever goodgod. home. email. air? right. breathe. deadlinetomorrow noclue ifitcan bedone letalone when. otherdeadline thursdayareyou fuckingkidding?
hungrydizzy. smellygrubby. shower? food? umno. deoderantanda canofrockstar andsomecookies. *chokechoke* ohyeah eatfood breatheair nottheother wayaround.
ok, break's over.
horrible. can't imagine what i was thinking drinking like that. and i did the inadvisable email thingy too, pretty sure. haven't confronted that quite yet. not ready. so queasy. and what was i thinking doritos for breakfast? nacho cheese bad idea. monday bad day. bad me.
if you are a sensitive caring feeling human being, you do not want to read this. i have a somewhat ... um, different outlook on certain things, death being one of them. i have my reasons, i do. and also this is a late late last night rant and it's not representative of the way i see things all the time, or even most of the time. and god i hate it when i need a disclaimer, i'd rather not be deviant about things, but here i am.
however if you choose to read this and it bothers you, don't go whining about it, alright? suck it up and move on. you were warned.
except of course here i am, home, unwasted; the nausea is entirely unrelated. it's simply what happens with the goddamn gravity forever in flux, don't you just hate that? never knowing what force is necessary and ending up either floaty and uncontrolled or leaden-limbed and overwhelmed, and you just never know.
but this is my new normal and i am learning to begin considering these aberrant forces as an enhancement of sorts, a woof in the fabric of my existence (and at right angles to the warp threads, that's what a woof is, which makes woof the word of the moment and the moment resonant with woof and this pleases me greatly, you have no idea) and i am almost not nauseous now well a little but i've had a bit of an epiphany there: between the demanding pangs of hunger and the vague urge to puke, i will pick the i-might-puke every time and consider it serendipity, and yes i have issues, such issues, the issues i suppose are the warp threads and the gravity woof woven in subtle relief providing the pattern, do you see it? have you seen it before? i am seeing it now, and it is my very first time, excuse me i am rapt and i am willing to call this rapture.
woof.
