i change what i can change (easily). i control what can be controlled (if it can be done obsessively). so the weight & the hair & the URLs & even the tongue ring are all meant as treatments for this paralysis which affects everything that really matters. also they suggest the appearance of agility, motions you'd imagine happening running with only toes touching the earth, yet made while sitting firmly ensconced on the same ass in the same chair in the same predicament, for years & years & still here, but if you can't recognize me does that really matter? who is that chameleon-url'd girl?
it's the same as it ever was, & yet (i assure you) different. not fundamentally, not yet, but not far from it.
so will you call me liz? 'cause i just hate karen. always have. fucking boring. klunky. not a lilting lyrical note in that name anywhere.
liz. not elizabeth. lizard. no music in that either but dammit it isn't bland. it isn't mouse brown & it isn't matronly.
as for the rest? wait. & see, eventually, but waiting is what you can count on. waiting is. & it is assured. what it isn't is patient, no. complacency barely exists anywhere in this tense presence you can't see but may indeed imagine squirming in this chair here. but that's another story entirely.
