the lizards are out there: June 2003 Archives

um. you didn't see anything, ok? either did i. there, now, that never happened.

i have so much too much to do. this tends to leave me paralytic & twitchy & overly prone to outbursts, loud & profane, signifying frustration at even the simplest slightest things, for instance the way the the mouse becomes harder to use the more frustrated i get and of course this would be operator problems, in this case my tendency to clench when stressed, which affects fine motor skills. it also causes run-on sentences.

one thing at a time? are you mad? any less than three things at once & i'm overwhelmed with the things i'm not doing. as it is, at any one moment i'm not doing at least a half dozen things that are needs, absolutely. inefficiency in the face of the sense of impending doom cycles around to push things another measure closer to panic, which even the slightest perspective shift shows is an utterly illogical way to respond to any of this.

i did get two things done, if done can be taken to mean hacked into an incomplete but miminally acceptable state of not being entirely undone. one of them was an elebendy kabillion page report about strategies for internet somethingorother. the other one is this right here. two other things which if done would result in the ability to send out actual invoices, and of course that bit about the housecleaning and the getting paid for that, remain almost completely and utterly unstarted. various other sources of panic all involve things financial in nature, imagine that. or don't, i mean, it's not pleasant.

i just realized i forgot to eat anything today. i'll get to it eventually i'm sure. if not, there's always tomorrow.

all sudden-like, it hit me. alone. i'm here all by myself. quick-like, i check all the locks even the window locks. locked. check. then i thought, ok, weapon. i should find one. then i thought, ah! maglite. checked chris's room, only ordinary plastic flashlight in maglite place. realized, oh, maglite would be in the car. old taxi driver habit, always have weapon illumination. fine. need different weapon. but what? think. no baseball bat, no potentially lethal sporting goods of any kind. fishing pole? i might be able to annoy a prowler with a fishing pole, but that's about it. aha! i see a big big red candle, foot tall 4" diameter in a glass jar. weight: at least a pound, compact, fits hand, can be thrown or just used to inflict potentially serious headwound. fine.

sit back down at computer, wonder if the whole not wearing any pants thing is wise, i mean, would it interfere with any intruder-candling i might be called upon to do? decide it would most likely work in my favor, like, "huh?" & there's my opening, bash! candle to the head, knee to the nads (providing intruder comes so equipped, if not, just deliver repeated two-arm candleblows until intruder hits the ground), kick until meat is tenderized, then top with big, ugly chair.

i am prepared.